Prose 生活隨筆: Language 語言

(一篇舊文發表在我的另一個部落格。)
最近在臉書上加入一個社團,它是來自世界各地的中國人分享移民或融入當地生活過程的一個社團,看到好多人精彩、激勵、感人及生動有趣的文筆,也喚起我對中文的回憶及情感。畢竟這是我的母語。許多意念的表達還是用自己的母語最貼切了。在暫居或移民至海外的人,不少人對語言多少會經歷些障礙或掙扎。我記得剛來美國修碩士班的社會學理論,坐在客堂裏,教授講說什麼,我是一頭霧水,連筆記都不知道從何下手,想想在大學時,同學們在考試時,常向我借筆記,而今我卻是鴨子聽雷,有聽沒有懂,那種欲哭無淚的感覺實在難以言喻。至那時前,我在臺灣求學期間雖非名列前茅,但一帆風順,好歹也進了國立大學,令我無法理解的是,怎麼人換了一個地方居然變笨了,書都不知從何讀起,挫折連連。掙扎了一段時日,決定拉下顏面,放下過往別人給予的定位,從零開始,重新來過,既然無法功成名就,那就從做個基本的人開始好了。雖然這是我這一生中最黑暗及痛苦的一段時期,但是對我受益無窮。"人的盡頭,就是神的起頭"這句話一點也沒錯,經過數年的尋找後,神讓我尋見祂,也替我開了門,讓我在日後遇到什麼難處,我都可以依靠這位信實的神。也因為這段失敗的經歷,讓我更有同情心及同理心,奠定我待人的基本態度。

在我還不認識神的時候,不記得祂如何給了我兩句話,讓我在人生的低谷中堅強的走下去,也願這話能供應給那需要的人。以賽亞書42:3a “壓傷的蘆葦,他不折斷;將殘的燈火,他不吹滅 。”

以上是當我在社團讀到許多動人的故事時,引起我對語言有更多感觸而補加的。以下是我在2020年六月剛開始寫部落格時寫的 (最近也稍做些補充及修改)。

好一陣子沒有用中文長篇大論書寫東西了,因為要寫部落格,逼著我把中文一字字用注音拼岀來,許多字還不知道要選那個才正確,這讓我想到語言這個有趣的話題。(現在回頭想) 前兩篇部落格文章英文版在前,因為我内心的有感而發是來自英文構思,而這篇的想法卻是源起中文。

我想起1984剛到美國,甚至一直到1988開始工作時,無論與人交談或是用英文書寫,記得是用中文思索,然後經由腦部翻譯的過程後才用英文表達岀來。不知從何時想事情變成英文了,我猜可能也不全然是英文,而是中英夾雜,就像我跟我女兒們講話一樣,因為我似乎已無法不經思索只單一用同一種語言的所有詞彙了。其實我很感激剛出來工作認識的幾個老同事,他們會不厭其煩的幫我修改公文中的英文;當我無法表達我想說的意思時,他們會有耐心的猜測或糾正我的英文;在沒有谷哥的時代,也有人會上圖書館找資料回答我一堆習俗文化的問題,滿足我的好奇心。他們或許不覺得這有什麼大不了的,但我對他們的幫助卻永記銘心。

不要小看語言對人的影響力,記得岀國多年後回臺灣玩,有些同學用的詞彙我已無法理解,竟造成我當時有認知失調的疏離感。過了這麼多年以後,語言尤其是俗語不斷的演變及發明,仍然能感覺到那個溝。一個不可否認的事實是語言也需要不斷練習,否則不進則退,退休搬來加州以後,少用英文溝通,現在與女兒中英加雜的對話更多中文了。

I recently joined a group on Facebook where Chinese people from around the world share their immigration stories and how they’ve integrated into local life. Reading many wonderful, interesting, and encouraging posts in Chinese brought back my own memories and emotions related to the Chinese language. After all, Chinese is my mother tongue, and many ideas are easier to express in Chinese.

Many people who live abroad temporarily or immigrate permanently face obstacles and struggles with the local language. I remember when I first came to the United States to pursue a Master’s degree in Sociology. I sat in a sociology theory class feeling completely lost while listening to the professor. I didn’t even know how to begin taking notes.

Back in my college years in Taiwan, my classmates often borrowed notes from me. But now, I couldn’t take any notes at all. I just wanted to cry as I sat there. Up until then, although I hadn’t been the top student in Taiwan, I had passed a very competitive entrance exam and was admitted into a highly ranked national university. And yet, in America, I suddenly felt like I had become dumb. I didn’t know how to study or how to take notes.

The setbacks continued. After struggling for some time, I made the decision to let go of pride, release others’ expectations of me, and start from scratch. Since I couldn’t succeed academically, I decided to just be a “common person.” Although this was the darkest and most painful period of my life, it has also benefited me immensely.

The phrase, “The end of man is the beginning of God,” is so true. After years of searching, God opened the door and led me to Him. Now, I can rely on this faithful God whenever I encounter difficulties. This experience of failure also made me more compassionate and empathetic toward others. It laid the foundation for how I relate to people today.

Even when I didn’t yet know God, He somehow gave me strength through a Bible verse that helped me endure tough times. I hope this verse can also encourage others who are struggling: Isaiah 42:3a – "A bruised reed He will not break, And a dimly burning flax He will not extinguish."

I wrote the reflection above after reading many touching stories in the group, which reminded me of my own struggles with language. The following section was originally written in June 2020, when I first started blogging. (I have since made some additions and modifications.)

I haven’t written in Chinese for a while, mainly because I don’t know how to type Chinese using a regular keyboard. To write a blog in Chinese, I have to input the phonetics one by one using the on-screen touch keyboard, then select the correct character. This got me thinking about the concept of language.

The first two blog posts I wrote were in English because my thoughts were formed in English (at least, in retrospect, I think so). But this one was written in Chinese first—because I thought about this topic in Chinese.

I remember when I first came to the U.S. in 1984, until I started working in 1988, I used to think in Chinese first, then translate my responses into English before speaking or writing. I’m not sure when that changed, but at some point, I began using English in “autopilot” mode—without consciously translating. I doubt my brain fully switched to English, though. It’s probably half-English, half-Chinese—just like when I speak to my kids.

For me, certain vocabulary feels more natural in English, while others come more easily in Chinese. I’m especially grateful to the old colleagues I met early in my working life. They didn’t mind helping me and correcting my English in memos. When I struggled to express myself, they patiently guessed what I meant or corrected me in a helpful way. In those pre-Google days, some even went to the library to find answers to my questions about American customs and culture, just to satisfy my curiosity.

They may not have thought it was a big deal, but I will always remember and appreciate their kindness.

Never underestimate the impact of language on a person. I remember visiting Taiwan years after I had moved to the U.S., and I couldn’t understand some of the vocabulary my friends used. I felt like I was experiencing an identity crisis. At that moment, I felt isolated and lonely.

Over the years, language has continued to evolve, especially slang, and that gap has only widened. It’s undeniable—language requires constant practice. Without it, your skills will rust.

Since retiring and moving to California, I’ve used English less in daily life. Now, my conversations with my daughter are often “Chinglish”—mostly Chinese with some English mixed in.

XYZ/Inspirational Posts 其它雜類或勵志帖子